Developing Positive Relationship Skills

No matter what your age or developmental stage, you will be able to refer to these behavioral expectations when you implement a relationship evaluation/atonement system in the relationships you encounter. The initial developmental stage will be described first, but it is the only stage that will not be practiced in the order discussed. Since this stage involves the development of trust, you will need to work through the other stages—thereby gaining a better understanding of the virtues of love, respect, and honesty before you can establish whether you are in a trusting relationship. You will have a better opportunity to know the criteria on which you can base your trust of another person after you work through the rest of the
stages of development.

Stage 1: Trust

When you were born, you possessed a developmental need
for trust in your relationship with a parent or caretaker. You relied
solely on a parent to care for your physical, social, and emotional needs. Although you do not remember your first year of life, you will know by the time you reach adulthood if you experience difficulties trusting others. Are you suspicious of the person in your relationship? On what do you base your suspicions? Have
you trusted someone who later took advantage of your confidence? Many persons who have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused as children lose their ability to determine whom they can trust. This can also be said for persons who suffer from serious mental and developmental disabilities. Although these people may have gone through their first year of life receiving the nurturing necessary to meet this milestone, a disability or the trauma of abuse and neglect later in their lives delayed their development.

Boundaries

Before you can develop behavioral expectations in this stage, you will need to learn the concept of personal boundaries. Boundaries can be defined as borders or limits that can be imposed in physical, sexual, or emotional forms. If a person has
been hurt traumatically or repeatedly over time, he would have experienced a violation of these boundaries. This can contribute to his inability to trust another person. A person with a mental or developmental disability would also experience problems understanding the concept of boundaries. As mentioned earlier, disabilities and trauma are factors that contribute to a person’s irrational thinking. In turn, he may have trouble differentiating among the various types of relationships. He might see everyone as untrustworthy, or he may view them as trustworthy without
any rational basis for this determination. In this stage of development, you will initially determine a person’s trustworthiness based on his or her ability to demonstrate love, respect, and honesty toward you.