Emotional Maturity

The next developmental stage is adolescence (ages 12–18). The goal for individuals in this stage is to develop emotional maturity. Upon reaching this stage, you will need to find meaning in your life, as well as role models in whom you can believe.
You need to gain a sense of individualism in order to establish your identity and to assume adult roles. If you lived with parents who either opposed your every move by narrowing your options or allowed too much freedom of choice, you would likely experience problems meeting the milestones in this stage.

Perhaps the biggest obstacle in your pursuit of individuality was a parent—a parent who was either too restrictive or to loose with you. This has resulted in some difficulties as you reached adulthood. The parent may have avoided confrontations with you and allowed you to explore your world without limits. Or, on the
contrary, the parent may have been too confrontational and overprotected you from outside experiences. The parent–teenager relationship is often like a tug-of-war. If a parent pulls too hard, restricting the child’s activities, the child pulls just as hard in the other direction. This is why a teenager will become rebellious: it is the only plan of action for this person when he is not afforded the opportunity to negotiate or work through problems with a parent. On the other hand, if a parent lets go of the rope and does not put any rules or guidelines in place, the teenager will fall due to the lack of guidance and accountability.

Parents need to learn how to pull the rope when their children begin to go beyond negotiated rules, and to loosen the rope when they demonstrate responsibility and trust. This can be done through a system that reinforces the virtues of love, respect, and honesty. With this system in place, a young person can explore
options and roles, and he can further develop his morality.

As a teenager, did you know who you were, where you were going, and how you were going to get there? How would you answer this question today? Many people go through their lives without setting a course for themselves. They do not possess confidence and foresight because they lack adult-guided experiences that would help them to formulate their identity and virtues. Due to their lack of confidence, they become very insecure and susceptible to “quick fixes” in order to feel good and escape their fears and anxieties. To begin to develop individuality—and to define your identity and morality—you must create a path for your life based on the insights you’ve gained from new experiences. You will also need to use the virtues of love, respect, and honesty to guide you in these new experiences as you interact with others.