Relationship Virtues

Honesty is not only the act of telling the truth; it involves ascertaining the truth about you. You most likely have never engaged in introspection and are oblivious to your negative patterns of interactions and the hurt that you are inflicting. In order for your relationship to improve, an honest evaluation must take place in how you demonstrate love and respect. You may believe you are being truthful about your behavior. To test your thinking, you will need to learn the definitions of love and respect. If you cannot show how you have demonstrated each of those virtues, you have not honestly evaluated your behavior.

Love is a virtue that can be demonstrated in a multitude of ways. Many of the definitions found in Webster’s New World Dictionary relate love to a feeling – “a passionate affection of one person for another.” I will add two elements to the definition of love: love requires action and love is unconditional. Love involves acts of kindness or generosity that do not require response. Showing love involves displaying feelings, but feelings should not be the driving force in how or why you demonstrate love. If you reserve your love for those who made you feel good, you would tend to withhold love more often. Children can sometimes display behavior that arouses feelings in parents that may not be loving. During those times, feelings of anger and frustration can cause parents to put their children down and to place conditions on their love for them.

Respect entails the ability to appreciate and bring out the unique qualities of others while placing value on their opinions and abilities. Many times, each person in a relationship may emphasize the negative attributes of the other. Those that are negatively impacted may begin to shift their desire from developing special talents to focusing attention on repairing physical or character flaws. Have you or the person in your relationship thought about getting cosmetic surgery, experienced dissatisfaction at work, or experienced stagnation? The absence of respect may make it difficult for either one of you to appreciate and develop natural gifts and talents.