4 Strategies for Handling Your Overprotective, Jealous Guy

Kelly feels like she's in a prison.

This isn't the way a love relationship is supposed to be, she knows, but this is the way her relationship with Jared has been ever since they made a commitment not to date other people. Kelly was 100% ready to make that kind of commitment to Jared after they'd dated for about 3 months. At the time, she was so excited to be with a guy like him and even felt like she was falling in love with him.

Now, about a year later, Kelly does love Jared. She wants this relationship to work out and she knows that he is great guy, but Jared's jealousy has been really tough to take. When they are apart, he calls or texts her frequently and, if she doesn't reply immediately, he becomes angry and accusatory. On more than one occasion, Jared has driven to her house, her office and even a work-related event “just to check on her.”

They've argued about this too many times to count.

Kelly believes that she's been honest and upfront about everything with Jared. She's never given him a reason to doubt her or for him to think that she was cheating. But, she feels confined and unfairly mistrusted anyway.

If your husband or boyfriend has a jealous habit you may feel caught in the same trap as Kelly.

You might be frustrated to be wrongfully accused. You may feel like your partner doubts you when you have been completely honest. He may tell you that he's just keeping you safe from “creeps” and that he claims to be protecting you when he's jealous.

Perhaps you're worried about what your guy will do to you (or another person) because of his jealousy and overprotectiveness.

If you're trying to handle your overprotective, jealous guy, try this...

#1: Be clear about your priorities.

We've all got priorities. When you're in a relationship and troubles-- like jealousy-- come up, it can be easy to forget what is most important to you. Defending yourself against accusations or feeling nervous about how he will react to certain situations may start to take over.

Set aside some time to remember what's most important to you. What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of relationship do you want to have? Be specific about the qualities of your life and relationship that you intend.

Keep that intention in your mind. It doesn't mean that you aren't willing to be flexible or that these priorities might not change over time. What it DOES mean is that this is what you want for yourself right now. This is how you want and deserve to live.

#2: Be clear about your “bottom line.”

As you remember and clarify your priorities, get to know what your “bottom line” is. This is that invisible line that you will not tolerate crossing when it comes to certain behaviors, actions or ways of being. These things might go against your deeply held ethics and morals or they could just be a place you absolutely will NOT go.

This is good information to know.

Knowing what both your priorities and bottom line are can help you be genuine in your dealings with your partner. Compromise can be a valuable way to breach tension and disagreement, but when it comes at the expense of what's most important to you, then you've lost sight of yourself.

Too many people lose sight of themselves-- their priorities and their bottom line-- during a love relationship or marriage. They often end up resentful and unhappy because of it too.

#3: Be clear communicating what's true for you.

It's probably not going to help the situation if you barge into a room and announce to your jealous partner that THESE are my priorities and THIS is my bottom line. When you talk with your man, use this understanding of what's most important as your guide, not as a threat or ultimatum for him.

Threats and ultimatums are just as restrictive and potentially bad for a relationship as are overprotectiveness and jealousy.

Instead, ask him to listen to you talk about what's true for you regarding a specific situation. Avoid making generalizing statements. Let him know how YOU feel when he acts in particular ways.

For example, you might say, “I feel irritated and mistrusted when you call my brother to double check what I say I've been doing.”

You can let him know how much you love him and how important he is (and your relationship agreements are) to you. If you're willing, you can ask him how you can work with him to strengthen trust between you two.

As tempting as it may be, don't agree to anything that you are actually unwilling to follow through with.

#4: Be clear communicating your boundaries.

There can come a time when the best way to maintain your priorities and sense of yourself is to set some boundaries. Boundaries don't have to mean closing your man off from your life or pushing him away.

When you speak your truth about what you want for your relationship, let your man know what you are unwilling to do. Especially if you two have reached a place that's a “bottom line” for you, set a boundary.

Again, be specific and communicate this with as much love and gentleness as possible. Do NOT apologize, justify or rationalize why you are setting this boundary. Speak it clearly and with love and then listen to his response.

One important boundary is your mental, physical and sexual health. If at any time your partner is abusive or violent toward you, set a boundary by stopping the abuse and getting away-- at least temporarily until you can decide whether staying with him is or isn't wise for you.