Love in Ruins

Statistics: Submitted by: Guest Article ID: 354 Total views: 1062 Word Count: 2545 Rating: 3.00 --Choose-- 0 1 2 3 4 5

"Love in Ruins"
an excerpt from the new book
MINDS IN DISTRESS:
The Clash of Evolution, Human Conditioning,
and Culture in America
by Edward E. Loewe, PhD
Published by Booklocker.com
Reprinted here with permission.

INTRODUCTION

The excerpt, below, is from MINDS IN DISTRESS, a new book
by Edward E. Loewe, PhD (Psychology), that suggests the
evolution of the human brain is not keeping pace with
cultural changes.

In the excerpt, Loewe discusses how cultural changes have
shredded long-held notions of love, courtship, and
marriage, resulting in mental-emotional anguish for both
men and women. The excerpt looks at the impact on
relationships of such things as early-start sex lives,
Internet pornography, increased mobility, a focus on
appearance, a lack of impulse control and an endless
variety of novel fantasies. The result is more men and
women than ever in therapy for relationship issues.

Edward Loewe has worked for nearly 20 years with adults
suffering mental disorder. He is the author of the books
"Being Real: Rediscovering Truth and Reality in an Age of
Deception and Illusion" and "Minds in Distress: The Clash
of Evolution, Human Conditioning, and Culture in America."
His new book delivers a searing critique of capitalism's
impact on the human psyche. MINDS IN DISTRESS includes a
battery of self-help routines designed to reduce the
harmful effects of a culture gone berserk.

More information about the book, MINDS IN DISTRESS, and
author Edward E. Loewe, PhD, follows the excerpt. Thanks
for your interest in this material.
__________________________________________________

"Love in Ruins"
by Edward E. Loewe, PhD

What we have been discussing so far -- romantic love -- is
an aspect of the human condition which has shown itself to
be both a source of jubilation and of pain. Its hallmark is
in many ways unpredictability. Love shows no reliability
whatsoever in terms of when it will appear in one's life,
how it may transform the individual, how the contrast
between what is expected from it and what it actually
produces in peoples' lives will play out, or how long it
may last.

The genetic predisposition for experiencing attraction,
romance, and love is a constant force in life. Its nature
becomes altered slowly, if at all, through the process of
human evolution, given that mating and procreation are its
timeless underpinnings. However, this snail's pace rate of
change is not true for the influence the human environment
may have upon how attraction, romance, and love become ex-
perienced. The social realm produces cultural conditioning
that affects the changing ways in which people think and
act on behalf of these phenomena. And in America, increas-
ingly dramatic shifts have occurred with recent generations
of the young. In fact, the sudden and swift changes which
have been wrought over only the past three decades, have
complicated the riddle of romantic love dramatically,
creating considerable risk for the individual where there
was none before.

What are some of these shifts in thought and action which
have entered the mind of the American public, and created
the ground upon which romantic love has become more unsta-
ble than it was for previous generations? Cultural
phenomena such as the following would have to be included:


* An ever-increasing desire for self-gratification, coupled
with the presence of seemingly limitless choices in all
manner of things, and also a reduction in impulse control
(which altogether can provide the fertile ground for the
flourishing of what we call narcissism in humans):

- People search frenetically for tension reduction in life
through love relationships, and when this need is not
satisfied continuously with the partner they have, a new
choice is often sought;

- A broad sense of personal entitlement, coupled with a
never before seen range of opportunities for novel experi-
ences, cause many to sacrifice romantic love and marriage
in favor of whatever experience beckons which is different
from the one which they have "used up."


* The pervasive desire for, and changing nature of prestige,
which acts as a major factor affecting decisions in roman-
tic relationships:

- The most oft-cited factor in divorce is that of money.
This is also the single most significant measure of pres-
tige in the United States. When one person of a couple has
come to widely outdistance the other in this realm of "con-
tribution," there can begin a subtle search for a replace-
ment partner, one who can supply his or her appropriate
share of assets, or provide some other desirable character-
istic which the current mate seems to lack. This is a
common dynamic in business partnerships that break up, and
one which is increasingly being played out in romantic and
marital relationships.


* A capitalistic system which strongly encourages consump-
tion. This also fosters the view that all things are dis-
posable, and newer versions of whatever one already has
represent an improvement over what can be discarded:

- What has been called "consumptive consumerism" (see
Chapter Eight in MINDS IN DISTRESS) refers to a mentality
in the American culture that leads individuals to absorb
ever more of goods, while discarding what has in their mind
outlived its usefulness, though it may still be quite
serviceable. This outlook appears to have found its way
into the realm of romantic love and marriage, so that
partners are being replaced by "new models" at a rate not
seen before.


* The culture-wide emphasis on beauty and appearance. This
is not a new phenomenon in the history of humans, but it
has become a more powerful influence than before, as a con-
sequence of economic forces involved with selling every
conceivable means for improving one's appearance:

- Just as consumerism emphasizes what one should own to
feel adequate, this influence places extraordinary impor-
tance upon how one must appear in order to measure up in
life. This distracts from the value of personal traits that
can prove sustaining to love relationships, and influences
people to place considerable emphasis on finding attractive
partners, people who may however not prove to be compatible
in other ways.


* A dramatic increase in the appetite for fantasy over
reality:

- A wide variety of obsession-producing offerings such as
pornography, Internet dating, publications, and some media
productions, have shown their capacity to remove the focus
of many millions of people from a potentially viable roman-
tic love relationship, to the pursuit of fantasy fulfill-
ment. A common phenomenon encountered by marriage counsel-
ors today is that of a relationship which has become dimin-
ished by a partner's having become engaged in one or more
other relationships involving people who are dating on the
Internet.


* A major reduction in the application of once universally
accepted, tradition-based values, such as those invested in
the family, the knit community, and secure, shared beliefs
which support a range of moral and ethical choices:

- Loyalty and commitment have become oppressive to many who
increasingly embrace a "no-strings-attached" mentality for
relationships. This supports the developing notion that
friendship, family, jobs, and love are unlikely to endure,
because in time they will either be taken away, or will no
longer meet one's personal needs.


* A widening view that life is largely about oneself:

- Americans live in a culture that has produced unforeseen
appetites, and even public support, for vast personal ex-
perimentation with behavior and self-expression. This pur-
suit of whatever seems momentarily self-fulfilling to the
individual is often damaging to the cooperative spirit re-
quired for the success of romantic relationships and mar-
riage.


* Changes in the mores of mating:

- Traditional dating which led to engagement and marriage
has been replaced by "hanging out together" and cohabita-
tion. The latter has been shown to produce fragile rela-
tionships, yet it is favored by more than 50 percent of men
and women today;

- The prevailing current choice most people make for an
early-start, sexually active single life has been shown to
lead to multiple relationships, with a cumulative negative
effect on the prospect for a single, lasting romantic love
union.


* An American culture which is marked by nothing so much as
by rapid change:

- The rate at which the individual must make personal life
adjustments to accommodate changes imposed upon him by the
culture and his environment, can be so swift that the
pledge to support the romantic love relationship above all
else may today become swept aside by whatever becomes nec-
essary for economic self-preservation. Families and rela-
tionships regularly become fractured through the relocation
of a partner.


~ Assessing the Relationship Mess ~

Love and romance are here to stay. They are a lately
evolved aspect of the instinctual human responses that pro-
mote mating, especially in the western world. And, they are
adaptive for continuing the existence of the human species
into a future which we cannot foresee; one which may wit-
ness humans evolving into a still more complex life form,
or which on the other hand may witness the early extinction
of Homo sapiens. The potential of a future for the ritual
of marriage cannot, on the other hand, be predicted, at
least not as it is now known in western societies.

Marriage is a cultural and religious construct, a custom
which is not required for mating, nor for procreation. In
some regions of the world it is plural, with males having
multiple wives. Elsewhere marriage must be undertaken one
spouse at a time. And in southwestern China, where the Na
people live, the population has shunned marriage altogether
for many generations, conceives children through consensual
sex with non-family members, successfully raises its off-
spring in communal fashion, and through all this has suf-
fered no evidence that a higher power disapproves and will
come "down" to punish these behaviors, or banish the Na
people to hell.

As Stephanie Coontz writes in her recent book entitled
"Marriage, a History," the institution of marriage seems
headed for obsolescence in much of the world. This now
seems clearly its direction in the peaceful Scandinavian
countries of Europe. And given the divorce and illegitimacy
rates occurring in the United States, it is also difficult
to see how the rites and laws of marriage, as Americans
have pledged to uphold them for some decades, can flourish
much longer here.

Coontz seems to consider this outcome the result of visions
Americans have in recent time developed which favor the
individual's search for his own self-fulfillment and
"happiness," a course that can crowd out partners whose
contributions to such self-realization might come to seem
un-noteworthy. But the fact is that marriage and the
various other kinds of human pacts which preceded it, have
never successfully competed with what some refer to as the
baser instincts of man, and so, it remains to be seen
whether the human species will ever be able to unify behind
a single, socially constructed approach to monogamous
mating, such as marriage is supposed to provide.

Unfortunately, love, romance, and marriages have in modern
time become a virtual minefield for many millions. People
are beset by and torn between the influences of old rules,
New Age fantasies, conflicting societal preferences, church
stipulations, legal prescriptions, family expectations, and
the nearly "do it your own way, there are no wrong answers"
mentality of the most recent generation. That last theme
appears to represent the direction the American culture is
moving in. But it will take some time to verify this. In
the meantime, it seems that the best the individual might
do in the realm of romance, love, and marriage, is:

* avoid following a popular belief system down blind alleys
which will prove disagreeable;

* choose whatever seems reasonable for the life one intends
to live, and the person one is; and

* differentiate between what is most likely to avoid pain,
and what has the potential for causing it, selecting the
course of least pain for everyone involved.

Though we have set out to address the "riddle of love and
marital relationships," this does not mean we can solve it.
The problem is too multifaceted and human beings too com-
plex for us to achieve anything which approximates a solu-
tion. The best we can do is to find ways to simplify our
difficulties through removing some of the obstacles in our
way. This will be a bit like removing the "Chance" cards
from a Monopoly game, in order to make its outcome a little
more predictable. Where romance, love, and marriage are
concerned, in the remaining sections of this chapter we
will reflect on what is real versus what is illusion, and
also on a realistic view of some factors in love relation-
ships that ought to be considered for change.
__________________________________________________

ABOUT THE BOOK

MINDS IN DISTRESS:
The Clash of Evolution, Human Conditioning,
and Culture in America
by Edward E. Loewe, PhD
Published by Booklocker.com
(ISBN 1591139058, 412 pages, paperback $18.95, ebook $5.95)
Available through this site or directly from the publisher:
http://www.booklocker.com/books/2421.html

MINDS IN DISTRESS deals with the new mental-emotional
struggles and neuroses befalling tens of millions of
people, and how much of this instability is being
stimulated by the culture we live in, rather than through
innate flaws to be found in people.

Part 1 first leads the reader into an understanding of his
evolved mind, the limitations his contemporary brain places
upon his life, and the sorts of difficulties the human mind
encounters in its sometimes hapless efforts to adjust to
the rapid rate of change which befalls humans today. It
goes on to discuss the bases for the absolute uniqueness of
every person, and the great importance this brings to the
need for each individual to fully understand himself.
Recommendations are made for assessing mental-emotional
well-being differently than now occurs through the
potentially haphazard methods mental health professionals
use to identify mental-emotional illness today. The person
is encouraged to develop his own, independent view of the
status of his mental well-being.

Part 2 deals with the co-effects of ancient instinctual
drives and modern conditioned behaviors in shaping the
human experience today, and how these forces are combining
with the culture to produce mental distress and illness. A
spotlight is placed upon difficulties occurring in the
realms of human perception, romance and marriage, an
increasing flood of opposing desires in people, the growing
tendency for individuals to allow their life to be guided
by outside influences - especially those of American
capitalism, the loss of life satisfaction which results
from the anxious pursuit of consumption, the epidemic of
anger which has resulted from human confusion, and the
neurotic obsession with self-promotion and personal
specialness which has spread across the country. These
chapters point to time-worn avenues for life satisfaction,
and how these are becoming obstructed by severe stresses
generated through modern lifestyles that do not serve the
true needs of humans.

Part 3 first considers the overall status of Americans'
mental health, then reveals the often problematic nature of
the American mental health system to which people rush for
solutions for their distress. After this, recommendations
are made concerning the types of emotional distress people
should be encouraged to deal with on their own behalf.
Step-by-step, easy to follow approaches for gaining insight
for, and dealing with, one's personal difficulties are
outlined. These strategies are intended to take into
account each person's unique nature, and to lead him in the
direction of regaining life satisfaction through achieving
new control over his existence, while removing deadly
overstress.

The book's final chapter contains a brief analysis of, and
potential prediction about, the future of the American
society. It gives further emphasis to the fact that each
person will do well to address the meaning and experience
of the life he truly wants, and to consider that to some
degree this may have to be achieved through detachment from
the society that today gives direction to his existence.

About the Author

Edward Loewe, PhD, holds multiple university degrees. Following two decades as the owner of a major professional corporation, he dedicated nearly twenty years to the emotionally distraught, in the field of clinical psychology. His work and lectures resulted in appointments to numerous private and public sector boards, and sundry awards.

---

Comments

No comments posted.

Add Comment

You do not have permission to comment. If you log in, you may be able to comment.

New Dating Articles
5 users online.