The #1 Thing a Woman Can Do to Connect with a Man She’s Dying to Meet by Kathy Schwadel

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Did you know that three out of four men have no clue when you are flirting with them? This interesting tidbit comes from social scientist Richard Bandler and should be of great interest to all you hair twisting, lip licking females out there. Simply put, a few provocative gestures are not enough to get an interested guy off his keister and into your personal space. So what’s a girl to do?

Well, if she’s not ready to approach him herself, there is another option. Because men fear rejection from a woman, more than from any other living, breathing entity on this planet, you must lay out a welcome mat, so large and so inviting, he can’t help but want to sink his toes into it. Remember, you can always do nothing and chances are someone will walk over—but will it be the one who rings your chimes? Glib and obnoxious males, the kind who maneuver through scores of women each night, don’t need a signal from you. But an appealing, thoughtful, discriminating man is likely to be riddled with negative, self-defeating thoughts that will stop him in his tracks; he’ll double think himself, and, boor that he’s not, will fear encroaching on your space. This sort of man needs a clear sign.

In fact, he needs a lot of clear signs.

According to Dr. Monica Moore, a social scientist from Webster University, “women who performed more than thirty-five flirting displays per hour elicited greater than four approaches per hour.” So if you’re focused on one fellow in particular, that would be approximately eight flirting gestures, aimed directly at him. The key to successful flirting is variety and quantity, according to Dr. Moore, who spent over 2000 hours in malls, bars and parties to determine exactly what it takes to propel the guy you have your eye on in your direction.

She found that there are a total of fifty-two distinct, non-verbal, solicitation gestures, which men recognize as flirting, when directed at them. The number one way a woman can make her interest crystal clear, is to employ several of them, over and over, at her target. It must register with him, that he is the one who is making you fidgety. These gestures include:
• Short, darting glances, where you fix your eyes on him, look away and look back.
• Primping and preening—smoothing out your skirt, straightening your collar, adjusting your neckline, etc.
• Tilting your head to the side, or pulling up your hair, to expose your neck (a sign of vulnerability).
• Holding his glance for more than a few seconds.
• Running your index finger around the rim of a cup or glass.
• Playing with keys.
• Taking your rings on and off.
• Stroking a part of your body.
• Smiling coyly—or fully, if you can handle it.
• Tossing your hair.
• Aligning your body so it faces, and even mirrors, his stance.
• Playing with strands of your hair.
• Licking your lips.
The trick is to engage in the three or four motions you feel most comfortable with and to repeat them until he gets it. In the meantime, if another male approaches you, appear friendly and polite; show your target you are not the rejecting type.

And, the best news of all? You don’t have to be the prettiest gal in the room to get your guy. Dr. Moore found that “men are more receptive to high-flirtation women who are average or even less than average-looking, than they are to women who are more attractive, but who emit fewer signals.”

It’s not who’s most appealing, but who’s most inviting. This contradicts the view, long-held by evolutionary psychologists—and most females—that women with the most symmetrical features, or the best waist-to-hip ratios (hourglass bodies) will attract the most men. So, if a few extra pounds have you second-guessing yourself, don’t give up: Make your moves, and the curvaceous ice maiden standing a few feet away is toast.

Statistics also show that you’ll increase your chances of a successful hook-up, if you flirt with men who are on somewhat the same attractiveness level as you. Studies of couples conducted by the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC) indicate “most successful marriages and long-term relationships are between partners of equally good looks.”

But don’t shoot too low. According to the SIRC, “over eighty percent of women have a poor body-image, and underestimate their attractiveness,” so they advise that if you’re female, chances are that you are more better-looking than you think you are, so try flirting with some better-looking men.

So, now you know exactly how to catch his eye and send out that compelling welcome mat. Is it a lock that he’ll walk over? Unfortunately, no. Men are only human, and prone to self-doubt, shyness and other distractions, just as women are.

Is there a way to guaranteed way to connect with a man you’re dying to meet? Sure. Make that first move yourself.

Remember: The good guys out there, the ones who don’t put the moves on every other female,—the kind you want, often second-guess themselves. They’ll worry about intruding on your space, assume you’re not interested (since totally miss our flirtation signals), figure you must be taken or decide you’re out of their leagues—and they’ll freeze, just like women do. Resolve not to let another chance at love get away. Engage him in small talk or, if it's your style, some clever repartee; if there’s a spark, it’s all you need. If not, move on, ego preserved.

Want a fabulous relationship? Remember: You have the power to create it.

About the Author

Kathy Schwadel is the author of Grab Your Tiger: How 110 Women Made the First Move to Capture the Men of Their Dreams. Find free story excerpts, enlightening Q & A’s and tips on how to recognize the body language of an interested guy at www.grabyourtiger.com.

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