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If virtues and morality are going to be part of a system of healing and understanding the truth for our children and ourselves, we must adopt a thinking mentality over a feeling one. If it feels “good”, you still need to think through the situation to properly assess if it is good or right. Children and adults must learn to look objectively at situations based upon the virtue categories of love, respect, and honesty to decide whether or not to behave in certain ways.
Susan met Moses at a nightclub where they would dance for hours each Saturday night. He loved Susan from the first time he laid eyes on her and told her how he loved her shyness and nervousness around him. Moses was very outgoing and appeared very sure of himself. Susan admired Moses for being so sure of himself and for making her feel so good. He always wanted to hear about her past and promised her he would make everything all right. Moses always bought Susan flowers after she became upset with him. He had occasions when he would go out and drink all night or would hit her when she asked him to remain at the apartment they shared together rather than go out partying. Moses always threatened Susan that he would end up killing himself if he did not have her in his life. Susan felt so needed by Moses and knew she could help him find happiness. Susan received an engagement ring right one-week after she threatened to leave Moses. Susan told Moses that she was tired of being hit each time that she asked him to spend time with her. The one-carat diamond was so beautiful. Susan knew Moses loved her and that things would be better once they were married.
Many factors contribute to how we behave. We base the way we act on how we think and feel. For those who have been hurt by others, they tend to base their responses to these events on how they feel about the person who hurt them. They, in turn, base their bad feelings as being part of who they are and not the person who has just hurt them. Another example of this regards persons who have been physically abused. Victims of abuse adopt feelings of fear and pain and consider themselves weak or inadequate based upon their feelings. Feeling bad about and placing blame on oneself begins to erode one’s self-esteem and self-worth. This makes this person more vulnerable to those who act in ways to make them feel good because this is what they are desperately seeking. The problem is that the person seeking to feel good is oblivious to the character and integrity of the person they are seeking this “feel good” situation. How many people who continuously become hurt by others emotionally, physically, or sexually continue to spend time with the same type of abusive people or become abusive themselves.
