Healing Relationships
Many couples hurt one another due to their tendency to think irrationally. I have outlined some ways to identify this and overcome your hurtful ways.
Causes of Hurt – Irrational Thinking – The glass is half-empty; overreact to problems; no reaction to problems; intense emotional pain when confronted to take responsibility for actions that have negatively impacted another person; overwhelmed by work, family, and community obligations; see only the negative qualities in others.
Irrational people make statements such as: have to, always, never, should have, and could have.
· stress is a precipitant to and/or result of irrational thinking
Factors that lead to irrational thoughts
(1) Mental Illness – Panic, phobias, depression, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, thought disorders, hyperactivity, personality disorders.
(2) Trauma – Abuse, witnessing horrific events, abduction, bullying, and other life threatening events.
(3) Receiving Negative Messages – not wanted, minimized, not the favorite, not good enough (perfectionism), not able to make decisions or think critically (codependency).
(4) Family and Societal Norms – 60% of families are single parent, 75% of families have each parent working, bigger houses, better life for children.
(5) Moral Relativism – Morality based upon social customs – “feel-good society”, issues of sexuality, music, television, video games, and quick fixes to problems.
· Each of these factors leads a person to look to self and away from evaluating how he or she is relating to another person. Self directed activity has the potential to cause hurt to others in a relationship.
· The subtle hurt in relationships are what cause the majority of relationship problems today, not physical or sexual abuse.
· The missing element in many relationships is a conscious attempt to incorporate an absolute morality to the relationship that can be evaluated in an objective manner. There are behaviors that are good and bad!
