Moral Reasoning
The third developmental stage contains milestones that are characterized in a person’s preschool years (ages 3–6). A person does not formulate the ability for moral reasoning until this stage. This is when a person acquires a sense of right and wrong. One of the milestones of this stage is to develop a sense of competence and initiative. Children learn to give and receive love at this stage. They learn how to jump, roll, throw, run, kick, and say their ABCs. Children whose choices are restricted or made for them will generally withdrawal due to their feelings of guilt and shame. As a child, did you have the ability to initiate activities that you enjoyed? Were you able to express your love to a parent? Did you develop the physical skills to participate in physical activities with other children? People who are unable to express love or initiate the activities they enjoy will tend to isolate themselves from others. They never learn the basic social, physical, and emotional skills needed to relate to other people. As adults, these people experience difficulties demonstrating love. They feel awkward in social situations and tend to engage only in those activities in which they have gained competency. Without a balanced approach to work, family, friends, recreation, and other leisure activities, these people do not gain the competencies needed to relate to another person in a relationship. Many times, these people will overcompensate for their insecurities by demanding that others recognize them for their area of competency.
Love
When you consider the three virtue categories of love, respect, and honesty, what sorts of behavioral expectations are involved with this stage? One way in which you can demonstrate love is to gain a balance in among your activities: work, family,
friends, and recreation. You can demonstrate unconditional acts of love by participating in the activities of the other person in your relationship. This may mean that you will engage in activities in which you do not have a competency or comfort level. Through your participation, however, you can develop the social
and physical skills needed to increase your comfort levels. You may want to test the irrational thought that you must have competency in an activity in order to participate. Of course, this is a rational thought for those activities in which incompetence may have lethal consequences.
You will also need to take time to perform loving acts not only for the other person in your relationship, but also for those outside of the relationship. Spending time with an elderly neighbor, teenager, or a child engaged in a fun activity will not
only help you to develop your sense of love, but it will also allow you to continue developing you physical and social skills. Do you know of any child, teenager, or elderly person who enjoys recreational or leisure activities? When is the last time
you threw a ball, rolled down a hill, played tag, went fishing, or climbed a tree?
Respect
From the behavioral expectations delineated under love, you can also develop behavioral expectations for respect. If you are engaged in an activity that involves someone else, you will want to show that you value the unique qualities of the other person. This will be difficult you if you have isolated yourself from others and have placed too much value on your own competence. However, it is important to recognize others and their need to feel competent and special. To enhance any relationship, compliments must be reciprocated, for they show sincere respect.