Relationship Boundaries

Boundaries can be defined as borders or limits that can be
imposed in physical, sexual, or emotional forms. If a person has
been hurt traumatically or repeatedly over time, he would have
experienced a violation of these boundaries. This can contribute
to his inability to trust another person. A person with a mental or
developmental disability would also experience problems understanding
the concept of boundaries. As mentioned earlier, disabilities and trauma are factors that contribute to a person’s irrational thinking. In turn, he may have trouble differentiating among the various types of relationships. He might see everyone
as untrustworthy, or he may view them as trustworthy without any rational basis for this determination. In this stage of development, you will initially determine a person’s trustworthiness based on his or her ability to demonstrate love, respect, and honesty toward you.

After determining that the person can be trusted, you will then allow a nurturing relationship to develop. Do you allow the person with whom you are involved in an intimate relationship to take care of your emotional and physical needs? Can
you become vulnerable to someone once you have determined
that you can trust him? Do you have to be in control at all times?
Many people who have been hurt as children grow up with the
irrational thought either that they must be in control at all times
or that they cannot control anything in their lives.

Boundaries can be established with another person by changing the frequency of contact, the content of the disclosures during contact, and the physical and sexual distances created. Without boundaries, a person can lose the ability to protect himself in physical, sexual, and emotional ways. Relationships can
fall under several categories: intimate, friend, acquaintance, or
stranger. Intimate relationships can include friends. Intimates are
those persons with whom you frequently have contact, disclose personal information during contacts, and experience close physical, emotional, or sexual contact. These relationships take much work to maintain and should be with people with whom you want to spend the majority of your time. Remember, however, that physical and emotional closeness is not to be confused with sexuality. You can have intimate friends whom you allow to come close to you in physical yet non-sexual ways.

If you have no one that you consider intimate or trust everyone that you meet, you most likely have suffered trauma in your life and had your personal boundaries violated.