Let's Be Rational
Are you a rational or irrational thinker? You may want to
believe you are a rational thinker, but you find that you
are the eternal pessimist, able to see only the half-empty
glass in many situations you face. You are a rational thinker if you
turn negative situations into positive ones. You can face unpleasant
situations and not become overwhelmed. You use your unique
talents to resolve problems and view the brighter side of your life.
If you are an irrational thinker, you will either overreact to problems
or will not react at all. You will experience intense emotional
pain when challenged to take responsibility for your actions or
to acknowledge how your action may negatively impact another
person. You become easily overwhelmed by the pace of work,
family, and community responsibilities. You see negative qualities
in the other person in your relationship and react in subtle
ways to hurt him or her.
You have an internal monologue that runs through your day.
Thoughts that are self-defeating or that provide unrealistic expectations
for you are irrational thoughts. Using words like always,
have to, and never can make thoughts irrational and expectations
unrealistic. Thoughts that produce second-guessing messages
such as "would have," "should have," and "could have" are irrational.
By focusing your energy on thoughts that will not resolve
problems or engage others in the here-and-now, you can send
subtle, hurtful messages to another person. Thoughts that are
uplifting and provide you with real solutions to everyday problems
are rational thoughts. Rational thoughts will not always provide
you with a warm, fuzzy feeling, but they will allow you to
see the possibilities to get through the challenges of life. Rational
thoughts help you to keep your perspective and priorities grounded
in the truth. When you begin to feel that your life is awful and
there is no hope, you are thinking irrationally.
Did you know that your thinking will influence how you feel
and behave? Your thoughts are the guiding force behind your total
social presentation. When you think rationally, you will experience
positive feelings and demonstrate positive behavior. You
will be more apt to act responsibly because you will see the situation
much more clearly and feel more positive that you are doing
the right thing for the other person. When you look at your relationship
in a rational way, you take the time to assess how you are
positively or negatively impacting the other person. You will see
the unique qualities of the other person in your relationship. You
will value the person´s thoughts and feelings and allow this person
to demonstrate his or her talents. You will not place conditions
on your love, and you will engage in an open and honest
dialogue.
Instead, you may be causing the shame, anger, and guilt in
the other person in your relationship. You may be the source of
the resentment or even the hate. If you are involved in an unhappy
relationship, you may be acting and feeling in negative ways
that are guided by your irrational thinking. If so, you would benefit
from knowing the factors that contribute to your irrational
thinking. There are three areas in which these factors may have
surfaced during your life. They are your psychiatric or developmental
stability, your childhood family setting, and your childhood
school setting.
Copyright 2002 Jay Krunszyinsky
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