Surviving and understanding the Jekyll and Hyde male menopause syndrome

Some if not all men fear this certain stage in man’s life called male menopause. For many, this crisis is the start of half dying and half living nature.

But what about male menopause is really scary?

When a man reaches the age of 40, he starts to become irritable, easily stressed and starts to lose his passion and purpose in life. This turning point of the way to andropause haunted men in one way or another - Male menopause syndrome.

There are three causes linked to male menopause syndrome. First is the fluctuation of male hormones. This is a normal occurrence as we age. But also, this can be manifested due to lack of nutrients and exercise. The next factor is the change in the brain’s biochemistry. The decrease in the supply of neurotransmitters increases hostility, anger and impatience. The third and the resolvable cause is the increase of stress level. It could be due to too much consumption of alcohol or due to psychological stresses. How you handle circumstances can be a big factor in this area. It could be avoided if only you would try. These factors became part of the mid-life struggles which challenge men to overcome.

Many wives had their stories to tell about their partners with altering characters, husbands who turn from being Jekyll to Hyde, from being compassionate to mean. The male menopause syndrome patterned to the book of Robert Louis Stevenson entitled “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” had so much in common.

The story is about Dr. Jekyll who had this pursuit of separating the good and the bad nature of man. In his quest, he encountered rejections from colleagues and superiors. For that he had to work alone for his project. Then, Dr. Jekyll had to do the experiment with himself. That separated his evil nature who turned out to be Mr. Hyde. In contrary to the good persona of Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde had been murdering the board of governors who turned down the cause of Dr Jekyll. All through the story, Dr Jekyll had been pursuing in vain to control his evil half.

The same pursuit happens to men who are suffering from the male menopause syndrome. From being the responsible and loving Jekyll, they had the tendency to turn to being the irritable Hyde. Men at this age seemed to change overnight.

But these tendencies are often triggered by loss of a friend or relative. The death of a close person seemed to trigger thoughts of them being the next in line. And the realization of their being mortal is so striking that he has convoluted thoughts.

The confusion that he feels is often accounted to his responsibilities and to the people surrounding him. Then he describes this feeling as being trapped and subsequently loses his sense of being.

At this crisis, men need to be understood. It is a crucial period when a man would want to be free and to destroy the order of the old ways. It is the period when they need to feel needed, and that they are important. There could be a lot of remedies in store trying to relieve the symptoms of male menopause. They can cause side effects, however. The best cure is to give them enough support and guidance to overcome this crisis.

More Symptoms Associated With the Male Menopause Condition

Everyone knows that menopause is associated with women who reach a certain age. However, not many people are aware that menopause will also be experienced by the male population when they also reach a certain age. The male menopause condition or also known as andropause is very real and as a male, you have to be informed about it in order to cope with it.

Male menopause occurs when you reach the age of about 50 to early 60's. The signs and symptoms of male menopause are quite similar to what women experience when they are going through the menopause.

However, unlike the female menopause where the production of hormones stops instantly, the male menopause will only decline in the production of male hormones called testosterone. This decline will result in the different signs and symptoms that you will experience when you go through male menopause.

Male menopause will have symptoms similar to menopause that women experience, such as fatigue, infertility, hot flashes, and mood swings. However, there are more symptoms that men should be aware of when they experience male menopause.

You have to consider that you will also experience erectile dysfunction, loss of interest in sex, depression, and anxiety. There are also other symptoms linked to male menopause. Some men reported that they became more motherly. It is a fact that males are more focused on money, power, and career. When they experience male menopause, they somewhat reported that they became more focused on family, and friends, which is the primary concerns of women. Sometimes they say that they regretted their former attitude.

Males will also experience loss of hair in the armpits and axilla, decreased sex drive, shrinking of testicles, impotence, constant feeling of tiredness, decreased muscle strength, decreased muscle mass, decreased bone density, and low sperm count. All these symptoms points to male menopause.

This is all due to the loss of androgens in the male's body. This is why there is testosterone replacement therapy as a treatment for men who are going through male menopause. It has been found that testosterone replacement can significantly improve your condition and decrease the signs and symptoms of male menopause.

There are also other treatments that are not as complicated as testosterone replacement therapy that you can do in order to improve your condition. However, it is recommended that you should mix these activities with testosterone replacement therapy. It is recommended that men should relax and rest well, exercise, eat the right kinds of food, and abstain from drinking and smoking.

Together with testosterone replacement therapy, you will see that it will significantly improve your condition. You will see that it will increase your sex drive or your libido, increase your muscle mass and strength, increase bone density, and it will also prevent depression.

Before you jump up and get yourself treated with testosterone replacement therapy, it is very important that you should consult your doctor first. The doctor will be able to determine if you have a low testosterone level by conducting a series of tests. The doctor will also be the one to recommend you to a qualified professional to do the testosterone replacement therapy.

Always remember that testosterone replacement therapy will not cure male menopause. It can only relieve the symptoms you experience associated with male menopause and can help you cope up with this condition. Just remember the signs and symptoms of male menopause and you can easily determine if you need to visit your doctor.

Hawaii- The perfect Honeymoon

Everybody knows that the best part about getting married is the Honeymoon. So when choosing a honeymoon destination, you should choose wisely. You cannot go wrong with Hawaii. It has the perfect climate, varying only a few degrees in temperature from season to season. Even in the winter you can expect to have eighty degree temperatures. You will have five different options to choose from when deciding which island to visit during your stay in Hawaii. They are each equally unique and beautiful in their own way.

Because of the vast array of options you can choose to stay as long as you like and never have to experience the same thing twice. I would recommend that you stay ten days at the very least. There is too much to see. You want to make sure that you don't miss a thing; and in most cases you have traveled so far to get there, you might as well make the most of your journey.

Oahu is a good place to start a honeymoon. You will have many different fine dining options, as well as some very good room service. Honolulu will offer the most night life of any of the islands, so if you dare to venture out, this is the place to do so. There are two historic hotels located in Honolulu, the Royal Hawaiian and the Westin Moana Surfrider. They are both actually located on the same block.

I highly recommend the Sheraton Moana Surf rider. The hotel is over a hundred years old, but has been kept so up to date, that you will be surrounded in total luxury. Upon arrival you will be greeted in Hawaiian style with a fresh flower lei. Make sure to mention when making your reservations that this is a honeymoon. The hotel usually provides as special welcome gift for newlyweds. The hotel staff is ready to please; expect to be pampered. The beach itself on Waikiki is nothing spectacular, but it is still a must on list of places to visit.

If beaches are your thing you should take a trip over to the north shore of Oahu, before leaving the island for your next destination, Maui. Maui too will offer ample opportunity for romance. There is nothing more romantic than sipping a mai-tai on your balcony, while watching the sunset over the pacific.

The road to Hana is a popular attraction for visitors. Hana is a quiet town located on the eastern side of the island. The road to Hana is more about the journey than the actual destination. The trip should take about ten to twelve hours, allowing for plenty of stops along the way. The highway will take you by hundreds of breathtaking waterfalls, stunning black sand beaches, a forest reserve, and even a botanical garden.

I would recommend renting a jeep with four-wheel-drive as there are some destinations that are only accessible by four wheel drive. These secluded beaches make for a great romantic place to stop.

FriendWise - A Popular Social Networking Website

Social networking websites, they are all over the internet. While many would assume a large selection of networks is good, the selection often makes it difficult to find a quality social networking website. If you are interested in meeting new friends online, you are advised against signing up for just any social networking site that you come across. Instead, you are advised to take the time to research and examine a number of different social networking sites. Perhaps, it is best way to find a network that is not only popularity, but one that is considered a quality site.

In your search for an online social network, it is likely that you will come across FriendWise. FriendWise may not be as popular as MySpace, Yahoo! 360, or Orkut, but it is still popular. In fact, its popularity has increased overtime and it expected to continue increasing. If you are interested in joining FriendWise, you are advised to research and fully examine this popular online network. As previously mentioned above, that examination should enable you to decide whether or not FriendWise is able to offer you want you want or need to get out of your social networking experience.

The only problem with FriendWise is that it is hard to get information about the site until you become a member. Unlike most other networking websites, FriendWise does not automatically state whether or not they are free to use. It is safe to assume they are free because their site does not mention anything about membership fees and the signup page does not have any room for credit card information, but it is still nice to know ahead of time. However, despite the fact that FriendWise does not automatically advertise whether their service is free to use, there are a number of different features that they website does touch on.

The goal of FriendWise, like many other online social networking websites, is to give internet users a chance to come together and connect. Once you have signed up for FriendWise, you should be able to begin making your profile page. Your profile page will outline information on yourself, such as your likes, dislikes, and hobbies. After your profile page has been created, it can be viewed by other internet users. Internet users do not have to be a member of the FriendWise community to view your profile, but they need to be to contact you.

In addition to making contact and joining the network of other FriendWise members, you can also participate in discussions held in the FriendWise online message forums. The online message forum is host to a number of different topics. Popular topics that are discussed include sex, religion, music, school, and general issues about the website.

There are also additional features that are aimed at providing entertainment for FriendWise community members. These features include, but are not limited to, battles, quizzes, and polls. The battle is almost like a picture contest. Two pictures will be posted and you need to choose which one you think could win the battle. Most of the quizzes available on FriendWise are made by network members. The polls are also created by FriendWise members and you will find that they are not only easy to take, but fun to as well.

If you are interested in joining FriendWise or at least learning more information about this popular social networking community, you are advised to visit their online website. That website can be found at www.friendwise.com.

Engagement Party Games

The engagement party is a time when the families of the couple will get to know one another. In some cases, this might be the first meeting between the two families or groups of friends and any icebreaker activity will be a welcome event.

In that light, whoever plans the engagement party (likely the bride's family, but it can be the engaged couple or anyone else who wants to plan the party) should plan a few games and activities designed to help everyone get to know everyone else.

First up is a trivia game. Create a "Trivial Pursuit" type game with questions about the bride and groom's lives. You might contain the questions to just facts and events relating to both the bride and groom (such as how long did it take her to say "yes" when he asked, where did he propose, where did they meet, etc), or you can include questions pertaining to their lives outside of each other and before they met each other. Not only can this be fun, but also it's an entertaining way for people to get to know each other and the engaged couple better.

One popular icebreaker that's used at corporate functions and company parties can also work really well at engagement parties. Tape a card to each person's back and encourage him or her to work the room, mingle with everyone and particularly try to get to know someone they have never met before. Before moving on to someone else, be sure to make a comment about the person on the card on his or her back. Partiers write an impression of that person, such as "she seems sweet" or "he knows a lot about the weather".

This icebreaker ends when the mingling session is over. The cards are then read one by one and people not only get to know each other better, but enjoy hearing all the comments people made about them. Try to ensure that comments are complimentary or somehow presented in a positive light. Hurtful comments, obviously, are not appropriate.

If this is truly the first time many of the guests have met, then another fun game involving the wearing of cards might be in order. In this game, each guest wears a card on their front that has their name on the front and a number on the back. They don't share with anyone what their number is. Guests mingle and chat and get to know each other over the course of the evening.

Toward the end of the evening, the cards are flipped over and the number side is shown. Everyone gets a piece of paper and writes the numbers on the paper, then tries to correspond the name of someone with their number. This fun game can be hard for people who are bad with names, but it's fun nonetheless.

For an activity that doesn't put people on the spot quite so much, consider letting the already marrieds help out the to-be marrieds. Place two pieces of posterboard on the wall and mark them "advice from women" and "advice from men". Now is the time to offer advice about wedding planning, not about being married. That advice can come later. Encourage guests to offer their own wedding planning advice. The advice from older people at the party could be decidedly different from the younger couples in the group, making for an enlightening group of comments.

Planning a Valentine’s Day Vacation

Planning a vacation as a Valentine’s Day gift is an excellent gift idea for couples who have been dating for awhile and are looking for a really fun and unique gift. Whether you plan a weeklong vacation in an exotic location or a weekend getaway near your home, you and your date can have a great time as long as you do a little advanced planning to make sure the whole trip runs smoothly. This article will provide information for those who want to plan a Valentine’s Day vacation but are just not sure exactly how to go about planning this type of trip.

The first thing to consider is the relationship and whether or not your partner will view a vacation as an appropriate Valentine’s Day gift. This is important for a number of reasons. First of all even a short weekend getaway is likely to be significantly more expensive than typically Valentine’s Day gifts such as flowers and candy. If you and your partner have not been dating for long, your partner may feel as though this type of gift is a little too much.

Another thing you should carefully consider is whether or not your partner will be comfortable traveling with you. If you have taken trips together before it should be no problem but if you have not and you have not discussed the possibility of vacationing together you and your partner may not be on the same page with the subject. For example you might assume it will be acceptable for you and your partner to share a room on the vacation but your partner may assume there will be separate accommodations. To be safe you should discuss this issue with your partner before planning the trip. It will ruin some of the element of surprise but it will also help to avoid a potentially awkward and uncomfortable situation.

Work schedules should also be carefully considered when planning a Valentine’s Day vacation. You may have a great deal of vacation time to use and may be able to do so at short notice but your partner may not have the same luxury. If your partners schedule is variable or you do not know about the vacation policy at your partner’s place of employment it might be best to verify the potential dates with your partner before making any solid plans. You can either choose to include your partner in the vacation planning or you can just discuss the dates with your partner ahead of time and keep the rest of the plans a surprise.

The vacation destination should also be carefully considered when planning a Valentine’s Day vacation. Presumably you are planning the vacation as a gift for your partner. Therefore the location you choose should be a location your partner will really enjoy. For example, a vacation on an exotic beach might sound great to you but if your partner does not like the ocean or the beach, it might be a good idea to choose another type of location. Likewise you may think a week in a rustic cabin in the woods is incredibly romantic but if your partner is not used to this type of travel and is not the type to enjoy outdoor experiences it might not be an enjoyable trip for your partner.

Finally, when planning a Valentine’s Day vacation you should give some careful consideration to the budget for the trip. The budget should depend on both your financial resources as well as the depth of the relationship. You may be very wealthy and have a great deal of money to spend on your partner but unless it is a rather solid relationship this type of extravagant gift might not be appropriate. Conversely you may have a very small budget and want to do something really nice for your partner on Valentine’s Day. In this case you can search for affordable weekend getaways which will be really special without causing you to go well over your budget for Valentine’s Day.

Classmates - A Popular Social Networking Website

Have you ever wondered whatever happened to your high school sweetheart? How about your best friend who you lost contact with overtime? If you have there is a good chance that you have tried to contact them. Unfortunately, many individuals get married or move away. This may make it difficult to contact those that you used to know. That is unless you join one of the most popular online social networking websites. That website is known as Classmates.

Although classmates is considered a social networking website, it is, in a way, unique from most of the others. This is because classmates focuses on connections that were made in school, whether it be elementary school, high school, or college. Although it is encouraged that you contact those that you know from school, you are able to contact just about anyone on the website. That is one of the many features of Classmates that makes the social networking site worth joining.

The only problem that many internet users have with Classmates is the fact that it is often requires a paid membership. There is a free membership plan that is available, but you are limited with what you can do on the site. Despite the fact that you have to become a paid member to enjoy what Classmates has to offer, it is well worth it. In addition to being well worth it, the membership fee is easy to afford. Currently, there are three different levels of membership that you can sign up for, the highest being only five dollars a month.

If you are interested in seeing what Classmates has to offer, you can easily do so by visiting their online website at www.classmates.com. Once at their main page, you will have to go through the process of selecting your school. Once that has been done, you will then need to create a user profile. This profile is part of what will be displayed on the website; however, once you officially become a member you can add more information to your profile.

With a free membership, you can post your own profile and view profiles from other members. Viewing the profiles of other members, especially those that you went to school with, is easy. Classmates has separated everyone into categories. These categories not only include the schools that everyone went to, but the years that they attended. This means that whether you graduated in 1970 or 2000, you should easily be able to obtain information on your classmates.

Although you can view other member profiles with a free membership, you cannot contact them. To make contact with those that you have lost touch with, you will need to become a paying member. As previously mentioned, this membership is relatively easy to afford. Once you have become a paid member, you cannot not only contact your classmates individually, but you can also send out broadcast messages or announcements to everyone that you went to school with. A paid membership also gives you the ability to use the message boards.

By joining Classmates, you will not only be able to make contact with your old classmates and friends, but you may also even be able to renew old friendships or make new ones. Reconnecting with your old friends and making new ones, what could be better than that?

Celebrate your Child's Uniqueness

Just like a snowflake or a fingerprint, every child is unique in their own special way. Every child has a unique way of feeling, thinking, and interacting with others. Some children are shy, while others are outgoing; some are active, while others are calm; some are fretful, while others are easy-going. As a loving and nurturing parent, it's your job to encourage them to embrace their uniqueness and celebrate their individual qualities. Help them to identify and build upon their talents and skills. This may be one of the most valuable ways to demonstrate respect in any relationship.

Allow your child to express themselves through their interests. They may find a creative outlet in theatre, dancing or art, or they may be exceptionally talented in the sciences. Encourage them to embrace what they like to do, what interests them, and what makes them happy. Help them realize that they don't need to worry about being 'like everyone else.'

Teach your child to make positive choices, and praise them for good deeds, behaviors and positive traits they possess. Encourage them to become actively involved in their community, and introduce them to activities that promote a sense of cooperation and accomplishment. Be firm yet fair when handing down discipline for misdeeds or misbehaviors, and make certain the rules and consequences for breaking the rules are clearly defined. Show a cooperative, loving and united front with your spouse when it comes to discipline.

Accept and celebrate your child's uniqueness. Remember that your child is an individual. Allow your child to have his or her own personal preferences and feelings, which may be different from your own.

And finally, encourage your child to be true to themselves by doing the same. Show your child how to make positive choices with the choices you make, and that nobody is perfect and you too make mistakes. Show your child that mistakes can be a great learning experience, and that they should not be ashamed or embarrassed about making them.

Get them excited on the First Date

When you have been talking to someone online for a time you both may decide to take the next step with a real life date. Online dating can be very beneficial but without a good connection in real life, you cannot move onto something more with long lasting potential. Many people are concerned about moving from online dating to dating in real life. It can be very dangerous. Online daters also need to worry about the other person not being honest about them. The best thing that you can do is to simply give it a shot. In the dating world, you will experience many failures but it is possible to have a good and true relationship if you try hard. The first date with an online friend can be nerve racking so you have to be sure to get the other person excited about meeting you.

First it is a good idea to plan a first date that will take place in a public place. It is easy to lie online and you do not want to find yourself to be a victim of an online predator. To be safe, you need to suggest meeting at the place of the date instead of getting into a vehicle with someone you do not know. Plan a date for the daytime and it is usually a good idea to have very little alcohol involved. If you are still not sure about meeting for security reasons, you should suggest a group date where each of you brings a few different friends.

There are a number of good date ideas that you can use for your first date. You should always have a meal at a good restaurant or go to the movies. However when you are eating or watching a film it is difficult to get to now another person. You can suggest a date based on common interests that attracted you to the other person in the first place. For example if you both enjoy sports, you can go to a baseball game or playing golf. If you like the outdoor adventures you can plan a first date at a rock-climbing place. For more quiet dates, you can meet at a coffee house or listen to a soft music concert.

The most important thing to remember about a date is to make sure that you both are comfortable. If you are both having a bad time and it is obvious, it is not inappropriate to suggest leaving early or come up with new places or activities that may turn things around. However if you both are having a great time, you may want to extend the date to another activity after the first date has ended. Leave the first date open because not every person will have a connection with you. You need to be prepared for both success and failure.

When to Give Romance Cards

Romance cards are no longer just for Valentine's Day. Romance cards can be given to your loved one all year round. There are many occasions in which you might want to give someone a romance card. It may be the anniversary of when you met, a short term anniversary, or the anniversary of your first date. You can also give romance cards when you are sorry for something, and include it with flowers. Romance cards are also a great way to let someone know you are interested in romance.

There are many types of romance cards. Some are very sentimental, and include pictures of roses or other flowers, hearts, and fancy borders, and usually include a very heartfelt poem. Other romance cards are funny and romantic, and usually include a light-hearted poem or phrase with a funny cartoon drawing. Some romance cards are sexy in nature, and include pictures of sexy women, or a cartoon drawing, and a message that portrays what the person giving the card would like to happen.

Romance cards are also a great way to cheer up that special someone. It is proven that when someone is "down in the dumps," receiving a romance card will lift their spirits. It makes us all happy to know that someone loves us, and getting a romance card will always cheer up even the loneliest of people. Romance cards can also be given anonymously, so that the receiver of the romance card doesn't know who sent it. This gives a sense of mystery, and allows the person sending the romance card the ability to woo their secret love, well, secretly.

Another great time to send someone a romance card is during or just after a pregnancy. Many women do not feel sexy or loved during this time. They only feel tired, worn out, and fat, whether it is true or not. A romance card can lift the spirits of a new mother, and allow them to feel joyous in the new child and the extended family rather than focusing on the negative aspects of late night feedings and baggy clothing. Romance cards are especially important during this time, and all women should receive a romance card from their husband or significant other upon having a child, and periodically thereafter.

Birthdays are another great time to send someone a romance card. Not only does it let them know that you remembered their birthday, but it lets them know how much you love and care about them. A romance card is much better than a simple birthday card, because it expresses your true feelings about the person rather than just saying "Happy Birthday."

Christmas and New Years are other times that you may want to send someone a romance card. Christmas cards are often informal and impersonal, but a romance card tells someone that the greatest Christmas gift you could receive, you already have in them and their love. New Years is another time that romance cards are well received. Starting the new year with expressing your love for someone through a romance card is a great way to keep that romance going throughout the year.

Really, there isn't a bad time to give a romance card to that special someone. Whether it is a wife, husband, significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, or just a romantic interest, romance cards are the only way to go.

Virtues and Atonement

When a person is born, he or she possesses a developmental need for trust in his or her relationship with a parent or caretaker. This person relies solely on a parent to care for his or her physical, social, and emotional needs. Although this person does not remember his or her first year of life, he or she will know by adulthood if he or she experiences difficulties trusting others. Are you suspicious of the person in your relationship? What do you base your suspicions? Have you trusted someone that later took advantage of your confidence? Many persons that have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused as children lose their ability to determine those persons that they can trust. This also can be said for persons that suffer from serious mental and developmental disabilities. Although these people may have gone through their first year of life and received the nurturing necessary to meet this milestone, a disability or the trauma of abuse and neglect later in their lives delayed their development.

Before behavioral expectations can be developed in this stage, a person will need to learn about the concept of personal boundaries. Boundaries can be defined as borders or limits that can be imposed in physical, sexual, or emotional forms. If a person has been hurt traumatically or repeatedly over time, he or she would have experienced a violation of these boundaries. This can contribute to his or her inability to trust another person. A person with a mental or developmental disability would also experience problems understanding the concept of boundaries. As mentioned, disabilities and trauma are factors that contribute to a person’s irrational thinking. In turn, he or she would not know how to differentiate among the different types of relationships. He or she would either view all persons as untrustworthy or trustworthy without any rational basis for this determination. In this stage of development, the person will initially determine if the other person is trustworthy based upon the other person’s ability to demonstrate love, respect, and honesty to him or her. After determining the person can be trusted, he or she will allow for a nurturing relationship to develop. Do you allow a person that you are involved in an intimate relationship to take care of your emotional and physical needs? Can you become vulnerable to someone that you can trust? Do you have to be in control at all times? Many people who have been hurt as children grow up with the irrational thoughts that they either must be in control at all times or that they cannot control anything in their lives.

Boundaries can be established with another person by changing the frequency of contact, the content of the disclosures during contact, and the physical and sexual distances created. Without boundaries, a person can lose the ability to protect him or herself in physical, sexual, and emotional ways. A relationship can be categorized as intimate, friend, acquaintance, or stranger. Intimate relationships can include friends. Intimates are those persons that you frequently have contact, disclose personal information during contacts, and come in close physical, emotional or sexual contact. These relationships take much work to maintain and should be with people that you want to spend the majority of your time. Physical and emotional closeness is not to be confused with sexuality. You can have intimate friends that you allow to come close to you in physical yet non-sexual ways.

Acquaintances are persons that you have seen before but you choose not to pursue contact other than those times you run into them in community places or work. This type of a relationship can consist of people you see often, but have not chosen to share any extra time or to disclose any information other than current events, publicly known information, or work related information. Strangers are those people not known to you. In each of these two types of relationships, the frequency of contact, type of disclosure, and physical, emotional, and sexual closeness is impacted. You would keep a personal boundary with acquaintances and strangers by minimizing your personal contact, refraining from making personal disclosures, and not becoming physically, sexually, or emotionally involved.

During your development of behavioral expectations in the virtue areas of love, respect, and honesty, a person may discover that he or she has intimate relationships that he or she may need to distance from due to continuous hurtful acts in the relationship that are not atoned. The important part of this stage of a person’s development is to base his or her trust on an absolute standard. Once a person understands these virtues in all developmental stages, he or she will be better equipped to assess whether trust can be established in his or her relationship.

What can you do to allow for your trust to develop in your relationship? You have determined that this is a person that you want to be close to and share intimacy. How can you make yourself more vulnerable to this person? A person can experience hurt in a relationship when the other person does not expose his or her vulnerable side. The person becomes vulnerable when he or she shares his or her insecurities, fears, hopes, dreams, and need for the other person. Using the virtues in this development stage, a person will accept the other person in his or her relationship demonstration of love, respect, and honesty to him or her. The person on the receiving end will be asked to share his or her thoughts and feelings about the other person’s actions.

To demonstrate love, the person that is developing trust can allow the other person to come in close physical contact with him or her while enjoying the feeling of closeness. Do you let the other person in your relationship hold you without questioning his or her act of love. This is a time to be nurtured and not to look for ulterior motives for another person’s act of love. The person that is learning to trust may possess the instinct to pull away or attempt to focus his or her time on other activities that serve as a distraction or contribute to his or her irrational thoughts. The person building trust will need to allow the other person to perform other acts of kindness such as massaging the body, making favorite meals, and writing letters of love. Have you discussed a favorite activity or interest that you have and allowed for the other person in your relationship to be part of the experience with you? By allowing the other person into his or her world, the person that is developing trust is also earning trust.

In regards to showing the virtue of respect, the person that is developing trust should make time each day to share a fear, dream, or hope, and to let the other person know how he or she can share in this experience. By including the other person in these thoughts and feelings, the person that is developing trust will enhance his or her relationship. Respect entails a concerted effort for each person to value the other. Do you accept compliments by the other person in you relationship? Most people that do not trust others will not accept compliments without minimizing the statement in some manner. They do not thank the person for making the compliment because he or she does not believe the statement.

For the virtue of honesty, a person can evaluate his or her ability to trust by participating in daily conversations with the other person about how well he or she is receiving love and respect. This discussion will also include how well he or she shared his or her vulnerabilities. Persons that are developing trust need to let others know how comfortable or uncomfortable that he or she is with the behavioral expectations for the virtues of love and respect. Through honest communication with the use of “I statements”, this person can work to a compromise on how fast or slow the behavioral expectations are incorporated. Both persons in a relationship that is building trust need to keep the other’s vulnerabilities confidential. Violating the other’s confidence will hurt the trust that both are attempting to establish.

For those areas that a person falls short of the mark, he or she will need to take responsibility for his or her actions and atone for the hurt caused the other person. The person that does not meet the expectation may not recognize the impact of the hurt initially. The person committing the hurtful act may feel as though he or she was being helpful by not requiring love and respect by the other person. This new system is intended to help both persons in a relationship to demonstrate these virtues. Once the person takes responsibility for his or her hurtful action, he or she can atone by demonstrating the behavioral expectation that he or she was unable to perform. If through discussions and problem solving that both parties discover that the expectation in question is not attainable at the time, the person that is learning to trust can atone by sharing his or her sorrow and appreciation for the other person’s attempts to show love, respect, or honesty. This person will also communicate the steps that he or she will take to meet this expectation in the future. Over time, the person that is developing trust will need to reciprocate the acts of love and respect outlined in this developmental stage. He or she should not wait too long to do this. Selfless acts are what will help a person to understand the powerful impact this system will have in each relationship that he or she will encounter.

Does a Law on Human Attraction Exist

Opposites attract is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.

Happy as You Want to Be

Almost everyone have heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby Mcferiin's simple message surely made a lot of people by telling them not to worry.

Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

One of the better things ever said is - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change', and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for who or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with well with

Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also more healthy.

To be happy is relatively easy, just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which you can do this.

Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mails, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.

News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.

A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.

Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

Laugh and laugh heartily everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -'Laughter is the best medicine'.

Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.

Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us, they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.

Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons. And could also give us more opportunities in the future.

Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.

Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places.

These are the few simple things you can do everyday to be happy.

And always remember the quote from Abraham Lincoln, he says that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Codependency & The Enabler

Codependency causes great hurt even when the intention of the codependent person is to keep the peace. The codependent person gains control through manipulation and hurt follows. Follow the link on the title of this post for more information.