Present a Unified Parental Front When Disciplining your Child

Disciplining your child is never easy. You probably know from experience and mistakes how important it is to act in a consistent, firm way while always following through with natural consequences. But when two parents are involved, you both play a crucial role and need to be on the same page and apply discipline consistently. This also applies regardless of marital status.

Parents should agree on how to discipline their children. To become credible to children, both parents must be consistent in dealing with similar situations. There are way too many situation where the parents are separated or divorced and allow their personal agendas to impose inconsistent discipline styles where one or both parents attempt to win over the favor of the children. In the end, the inconsistent parenting creates anxiety and frustrations in the children, which results in acting out behaviors. Parents should make a concerted effort to keep their child's best interests at heart at all times and sit down with their children and clearly define the rules and expectations and the consequences for violating these rules. Both should agree that the intended discipline is fair, and apply it consistently in a firm yet fair manner in each home.

In addition, if there are disagreements regarding discipline or other parenting issues, they are best resolved when the child is not present. If the child senses discord, they may attempt to manipulate the situation to their advantage or may withdraw from each of the parents. In either case, your actions contributed to your child's distress in an already stressful situation.

When teaching good behavior, parents should "practice what they preach." Children learn values and beliefs more by examples set by adults more than by verbal instructions. Screaming at a child to be quiet or paddling a child for hitting is hypocritical and ineffective. Decide what is important and what parental response to use to teach your child. It would be more effective to calmly tell your child to be quiet or use calm messages when your child is physically aggressive.

You always want to note what works now does not work. The more that you remain involved in open and consistent communication with the children and with your ex, the more significant you will remain with your children. Children act out when they feel that their environment is out of control and does not make sense. Regardless of the situation, parents should always present a unified front and work together in caring for the most important people in any separation or divorce; the children.