Respect

You can demonstrate respect by working through the dilemmas and conflicts that arise when taking on additional responsibilities. Negotiation is an important skill; during a conflict it shows that you have respect for the other person. You will need to develop problem-resolution skills that demonstrate personal responsibility. When conflict arises, address the problem by stating what you are planning to change about your behavior to resolve the issue. Through your ability to model accountability and ownership for problems, you will set the stage for positive communication and decision-making. You will also show that you value the other person by not projecting blame on him or her. Behavioral expectations in this stage include being able to identify your role in problem situations, accepting responsibility, and making positive changes in your behavior in order to resolve the issue.

One of the best ways to communicate your disagreement with another person’s view is to use "I statements." This entails making statements that demonstrate your own responsibility for how you feel, think, and behave, while simultaneously presenting an objective observation of the actions that may have provoked those feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. To test the objectivity of a statement, you will need to show that the statement is based on what you saw, heard, tasted, smelled, or touched. This will help you to communicate in a way that demonstrates respect while also challenging views and beliefs that go against your own belief system. This is how you begin to test your own morality with others in the world.

"I statements" are an effective communication style during any conversation. This behavioral expectation will take practice and is a very important skill in any relationship. Because of the way an “I statement” is structured, you will not be able to blame the other person for how you feel, think, or behave. You will let the other person know what he or she did to provoke the feeling, thought, or behavior. “I hate you” does not communicate a message as effectively as, “I feel anger toward you because I heard you tell someone that I was stupid.” Your ability to reach a compromised solution based on your discovery of a common belief with the other person is also necessary. When you continue to communicate in this fashion, you will soon discover that there are shared visions on what solutions will benefit each party. You will also demonstrate respect by asking for help when you lack enough understanding to resolve a particular problem.

Another way in which you can demonstrate respect is by valuing others through meaningful conversation. People in this stage need to develop interpersonal skills that allow them to identify with others in their peer group, as well with those they interact with in their other roles. In order to grow in this stage, you will need to develop skills by which you can introduce yourself to another person and enter into conversations that give value to others’ views. Many adults never learn how to engage in a two- way conversation that communicates how much they value the other person. They either dominate the conversation, or they do not contribute enough to what is being discussed. Your ability to meet behavioral expectations in this stage will depend on your ability to make positive statements and to ask questions that demonstrate an interest in the other person’s talents and abilities.

What do you communicate to others in the roles that you assume? Do you say anything to others to let them know that you value them? Do you know enough about the person to appreciate their talents and abilities? Your ability to introduce yourself to a new acquaintance is a behavioral expectation that demonstrates respect. Another expectation is your ability to find out about another person by asking open-ended questions. You will need to do more than ask, "How are you doing?" Asking questions that begin with what, where, when, how, and why can enhance the communication because they ask for more information than a one-word answer. This is not to say that you need to do this with every person you meet. Rather, if you want to pursue a relationship with a person, or if you are responsible for maintaining a positive relationship in a particular role, you will need to demonstrate these communication skills. How do you feel about a person who asks you about your talents and abilities?

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