Meditations 7 and 8 of Relationship Book
Meditation 7 from relationship book I´m Sorry
Why Do I Feel Pressured?
As you take time to reflect on the internal and external conflicts
that you encounter, you need to ask yourself the question,
"Why do I feel pressured?" This meditation involves your ability
to either process a current problem that you encountered in a relationship
or to visualize a potential problem that you may
encounter. What steps would you take to resolve the problem?
What criteria would you use to determine the source of the problem?
As you develop a better understanding of the virtues outlined
in this book, you will be better equipped to recognize the
hurt that you cause in the relationship. During times when you
visualize potential conflicts, practice your approach to atoning
for your actions. See the other person´s verbal and physical
response to your recognition of a hurt that you caused him.
Visualize his change in demeanor from sadness or disgust to
attentiveness and hopefulness. See his eyes connect with your
own while you demonstrate your sorrow and feel the positive
reconnection that you make with this person.
Meditation 8 from book about relationships entitled I´m Sorry
Make "I Statements"
The most effective way to communicate to another person is
by taking responsibility for how you think, feel, and behave. This
meditation involves your assessment of how well you took ownership
for your thoughts, feelings, and actions while communicating
to another person. Did you blame him or her for your
thoughts, feelings, and actions? By meditating on how you can
assert your views while taking ownership for your thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors, you can begin to develop a dialogue that will
get the attention of those you engage.
Visualize how you would communicate to someone using the
format for "I statements." You may find this difficult to do, or you
may think it is silly. However, as you become better at this type
of communication, you will discover its effectiveness. Saying, "I
became mad because I did not appreciate when you called me a
pushover" is a better way to communicate than saying, "You are
an idiot." The key to this skill is not to blame others for how you
think, feel, and act and not to make personal attacks. This does
not mean that you cannot identify another´s behavior that brought
about your thought, feeling, or behavior. The key is not to blame
his behavior for your response. You chose to feel, think, and act
in the way you did. This may sound similar, but it has a better
impact on the receiver of this message.
This style of communication will help you to identify specific
behaviors that contribute to your feelings. This will force you
to think in a rational way. Your tendency will be to blame another
person for your negative feelings, when in fact his or her
actions did not warrant this type of response from you. By following
the format for an "I statement," you will be forced to compare
your feelings to specific actions by the other person. You
may think twice before making statements like, "I become so
angry when you ask me to spend time with you" or "I become so
angry because you do not want me to drink alcohol." "I statements"
are a good way for you to gauge if the statement should
be made or not. Reflect on those times when you have been
angry. What did the other person do to make you choose to be
angry? Did he want your attention or tell you the truth about how
unloving, disrespectful, or dishonest you are? This type of processing
will help you to look at the situation in a rational way.
When in doubt, follow the fourth meditation.
This skill will take practice and can be done each day in a
meditation where you visualize conversations you have with others.
This method also is instrumental in communicating positive
sentiments. "You make me happy" does not communicate the
message as effective as "I feel happy because I enjoy your company
and the way you value my opinion." By communicating
sentiments of love, respect, and honesty in the form of an "I statement,"
you will catch the other person´s attention and discover
how powerful and meaningful communication really is.
Copyright 2002 Jay Krunszyinsky
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