Meditations 3 and 4 of Relationship Book

If No One Got Hurt, It Is Not a Big Deal

This meditation is good for those times when you have made mistakes that have impacted others in your life. Perfectionists put themselves through tremendous trials and tribulations when they make mistakes or fail at anything. If you are a perfectionist, this meditation will help you to gain perspective in life. If you were not dishonest, disrespectful, or unloving when you made your mistake, then you need to look at what is causing you to dwell on the mistake. How do you assess yourself when you make a mistake? What are your thoughts immediately after you make a mistake? Do you think negative thoughts such as "I am stupid" or "I´m worthless"? Your irrational expectation to be perfect only leads to more irrational thoughts when mistakes are made. Your irrational thoughts, in turn, lead to negative feelings that can cause you to hurt others. Some mistakes may lead to more severe consequences in life, such as a lost job or a change in majors in college. In the scheme of life, however, these consequences are not a big deal compared with how people conduct themselves as human beings. How you conduct yourself is the theme of this reflection. In the end, your legacy will be how you treated others, not the educational, vocational, or material symbols you possessed.

Meditation 4 from book about relationships entitled I´m Sorry

Shut Your Mouth So You Have Time to Think

This is not only a daily reflection but also a skill to incorporate in an emotional situation. Sometimes a person will provoke strong positive or negative feelings in you. Because you have a tendency to think irrationally and respond from those thoughts, you will relate better to others if you take time to process information communicated to you before you communicate your response. This should be only those times when you become emotionally charged with either positive or negative feelings. This meditation requires that you imagine yourself in these situations and think about what you are observing in the person who is eliciting this response in you. It is far better to remain quiet during these times than to respond in a way that causes you to become too vulnerable or to act in verbally aggressive ways. Is the other person demonstrating respect, honesty, and love toward you? If he is, then his message is grounded in truth and can be trusted. If the message is not grounded in truth, you will need to communicate this in an assertive way that is not hurtful.

To practice assertiveness, meditate on objective responses to the person who is eliciting your strong emotion. The response should include statements that are respectful and honest and demonstrate that you are in control of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The practice of "I statements" is a good meditation to reflect upon each day. (The eighth meditation will discuss the use of "I statements" in more detail. See below.) Information communicated to you is only as powerful as you make it. You can make the sender´s message more powerful if you respond in irrational ways. When someone sends you a message that elicits irrational responses such as name-calling or excuses, you have empowered his message. If instead you point out how disrespectful, dishonest, or unloving the message is, you have made the information provided by the other person powerless, while your message becomes very powerful. This is most effective when you communicate this in respectful, honest, and loving ways. This also rings true only if the other person´s message was disrespectful, unloving, or dishonest. If he is telling you the truth about your behavior, you will need to take responsibility for your actions. Practicing this reflection will help you to develop a rational approach to communication and positive ways to manage your strong emotions.

Copyright 2002 Jay Krunszyinsky

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